5 Lies Women Need To Stop Telling Themselves When It Comes To Relationships

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. He will change

In all likelihood, no he won’t. People transform, but they also are who they are. Often that is a good thing. If you’re with a guy who just isn’t what you’re looking for changing him to suit your mold just isn’t fair. And if you’re hoping he’ll change from an inconsiderate asshole to the boyfriend who shows up with flowers and Chinese takeout, that is very unlikely to happen.

2. I can’t do better than him

Yes actually, you can. We’re all familiar with the sitcom stereotype of overweight, unattractive husband and smoking hot wife. But have we ever seen the reverse? No. And these kind of social influencers make women believe they have to take what they can get. But in actuality, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are funny, and you deserve someone who treats you right, whether he’s a model or a…

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Beyond Death: The Science of the Afterlife

Originally posted on TIME:

This question is more than a mind-bender. For thousands of years, certain people have claimed to have actually visited the place that, Saint Paul promised, “no eye has seen … and no human mind has conceived,” and their stories very often follow the same narrative arc.

A skeptic, a rogue or an innocent suffers hardship or injury: he is hit on the head, he suffers a stroke, he sustains damage in a car crash or on the operating table. A feeling of disconnection comes over him, a sense of being “outside” himself. Perhaps he encounters an opening: a gate, a door, a tunnel. And then, all at once, he is being guided through other worlds that look and feel to him more “real” than the world in which he once existed. These realms are both familiar and strange, containing music that doesn’t sound like music and light brighter than any…

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The Power Of The Little Things

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

It’s always the little things. The unsung heroes that are not distracted by glory. The characters you disregard who have been secretly stashing vendettas all along, made all the more dangerous for their patience. They end up being your completion or your undoing.

It is the little things that give everything meaning. It is an accumulation of puzzle pieces to make a spectacular picture, the collection letters to make words to make sentences to fill pages to complete a story. Ultimately, a thousand little things make something big — and what’s more, small beings united to make something immense often lend a certain grandeur to themselves — all the more for not having done so through any intention. We must learn to love the little things.

It is the little things too that can sink ships, break dams, and crumble walls once thought to possess the ultimate fortitude. A thousand…

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8 Things Strong, Independent Women Want From A Man

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Freedom

Not only do we want it, we need it. Freedom equates to survival for us. When we say that we want to go out for a few, whether it’s to grab a bite to eat or see a movie by ourselves, believe us. We’re not going out to cheat on you, we’re not doing anything mysterious, we just want some “me” time. Once you can understand this and respect it, we end up loving you 10 times more. Win, Win.

Consistency

Deep down we’re feminists (without the title; it’s 2014 – we don’t need it). Although we like to do things on our own and occasionally fit the bill, we are not, and I repeat, we are not your mother. We don’t want to pick up after you around the house, we don’t want to micromanage your life, and we damn for sure don’t want to…

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Maybe One Day, Maybe Not

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

I frequently find myself thinking: maybe one day.

Maybe one day it will all work out. Maybe one day it’ll all hit me — what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, where I should be going, what I should be pursuing. Maybe one day things will finally fall together. Maybe one day he’ll come around. Maybe one day. Just maybe.

Maybe one day, all of the stars will finally align.

And I sit, patiently, and I wait. I take comfort in the premise that “things will come to me in time.” And I decide to not actively seek things out. To take a step back. To focus on myself and know that the universe will take some sort of control. But am I right? Am I doing the correct thing?

It’s a difficult balance. A balance of being a go-getter with a balance of letting go of some…

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A Message To My New Boyfriend’s Ex, Who Can’t Seem To Get Over Him

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Hi, I’m the new girl and I have a few things to say to you. Yes, I know you’ve seen the pictures of us on Facebook and your friends have gossiped about how cute we are. I know you messaged him the other day with another attempt to manipulate him into coming to your aid once again. I know you pretended to need him. I know you asked him if he took me to the beach you two went to together. I know you wanted to get a rise out of him and see if those feelings were still there. I know you’re starting to see that it’s different with me — unlike the few other girls he dabbled with dating after you. I know you now see that he’s not taking the chance of messing things up with me.

When you ask yourself over and over…

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The Difference Between Love And Commitment

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

If you’ve ever experienced the following:
1. Felt a connection with someone
2. Became entangled in some sort of love-making
3. Realized you were thinking about your potential future with this person

…then you understand how love and commitment are related and how easily our minds connect the two.

It troubles me, though, just how connected we treat these two very different things.

What is love?

Love, as it turns out, is a feeling (no surprises there). We get tingly and joyful. We get excited. We love. We hug and kiss and wrap our bodies around each other because it somehow expresses this feeling. “I want to smoosh my body onto your body” is probably the best way I’ve heard this described, in one of the best explorations of this topic I’ve ever read.

What is commitment?

Commitment, on the other hand, is a decision. Based on some…

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Confessions Of A Reformed Spender: Saving Money For Travel

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

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If I had to give a name to my financial nemesis that name would be Duane Reade–-that chain of easily accessible, convenient stores located on every other corner of New York City. Each time I step into a Duane Reade currency takes on a different meaning since $5 spent on an impulsive purchase isn’t nearly as impractical as buying that $50 shirt I was coveting. I have the same flawed way of thinking when it comes to the New York City metro card, which costs us New Yorkers a whopping $112 a month! Dropping money on a flimsy, plastic card is hard to swallow but refilling that card in $5, $10, or $20 increments makes the whole transaction easier to digest. Someone much more savvy in finances would stand up and state the obvious, which is I spend more refilling my card and save more by buying the monthly pass but this…

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How To Have Courage

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

I get scared when I feel “stuck” in my life. I get scared when I meet a new friend and I’m afraid he won’t like me.

I get scared when a woman I love is quiet for a bit too long. At dinner parties I get scared when I have nothing to say. I get scared when people I care for are hurt.

I’m afraid of what people are saying about me behind my back. I’m afraid that when I’m an old man I will be too sick to move and nobody will visit me.

I want to practice courage.

Courage is caring but not having to care. Helping but not forcing. Saying no without being afraid of consequences.

Doing your best every moment but letting go of the results. Being loving with no expectation of love.

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15 Tips For Mastering Happiness

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Unfortunate personal experience has taught me that the world inherently contains bad things. Life sucks, but I have a surprise – it goes on! It’s all up to us how we face a situation. Give it time! I firmly believe an individual can strategically learn how to sustain a happy state of mind. Of course it’s natural to have our bad days, but we mustn’t fret. It’s okay to have our bad days, but you must pick yourself up immediately.

In my case, I follow these tips. It’s like training your body to run a marathon, it takes time and utterly impossible to learn over night. As the the Buddha says, “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” Props to Buddha – he is and forever will be the king of contentment! We have…

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